the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
