You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
