By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
