I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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