Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
