I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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