if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
