I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
