I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize