I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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