I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
