So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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