Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
