he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize