Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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