I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
