my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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