South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
