So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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