Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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