Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Your dad touched me again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
