He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
