i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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