i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize