I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
