god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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