I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
