dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
