Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
