Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
