oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
