Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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