I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
