this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
