Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
