Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I lost the right to judge tonight
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
