he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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