Girls should come with a carfax report
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
