Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're using joints as your birthday candles
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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