; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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