Don't you send me to vm
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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