I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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