smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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