Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
