the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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