Where did you get a picture of my penis
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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