I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
God, I missed his penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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