when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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