I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am mentally ready for anal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
