Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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