Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
