She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
