Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
