just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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