Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize