Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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