never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
