3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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