so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
