3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
