I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
