I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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