I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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