We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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