Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize