I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
