so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
