How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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