I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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