Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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