Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Panties = found
Randomize
