You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
