My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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