On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
