sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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