apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
