Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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