I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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