4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
