Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's like heaven, but drunker
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
