i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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