wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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