It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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