On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
