i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
