I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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