I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize