I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
