i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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