Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
