from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
