You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
