my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
