so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In other news, I just burned my penis
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
