I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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