Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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