DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
